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E005 - Life is Worth Living
Posted by
ariesjoe
,
12 May 12
·
73 views
I began to march forward when I heard the female announcer earlier calling a rather familiar name.
"Ellen Lee?"
I stopped for a short while; my eyes never left the emotional contestant. I saw a girl climbing up from her seat, and standing in front of her, a man I couldn't seem to detest enough. There seemed to be a collision between them, because I could see the horror in her face when, suddenly, she began to jump up and down. I chuckled at that scene, but I realized that I still had a more important issue to deal with.
I picked up my pace and began dashing towards the exit. When I passed through the girl named Ellen, I could hear that silly idol saying, "What a crazy bitch. She didn't even have the nerves to apologize?" I rolled my eyes, refusing to get into an unnecessary argument. "You got lucky this time, bastard!" I thought to myself, picturing the way I beat that loser up. "Next time... I will get you next time."
I ran. I should not let anything else bother me anymore. Not this time. The voice in my head kept on urging me to hurry up. I had to obey. It's the only thing I could count on. I opened the door to the rooftop (it was the only route available from where that contestant headed to) a little too loud, but I didn't think he heard me. I gently closed the door behind me and leaned against the wall.
I stood there, waiting. Seeing him at that position right now reminded me of myself just years ago.
--
I was standing at the edge of a building as well, crying my heart out, wishing the pain would just end.
I had a perfect family. My father was a loving man and my mother was gentle. Everyone has always been envious of their relationship; how they have managed to go through eight thirteen years of their marriage without a single fight.
There was an uncle who visited our place regularly; about three to four times a week. I had never had a good feeling about this man, and turned out, I was correct.
My life shattered into pieces on that fateful day when I caught my mother kissing that uncle. He whose name is Richard.
They only stopped kissing after my mother saw me staring at them, jaw dropped. After that, my mother begged for my forgiveness and pleaded for me to not tell my father. That bastard Richard then handed me $1,000 as a method to keep me silent. I took the money in my hands and threw it at his face. "I ain't taking your stinking money!" I shouted at him. And to my mother, I screamed, "You whore! You have no rights to be my mother!"
I guess I was too infuriated to even manage to allow those words to come out from my mouth. But I had never regretted it. She totally deserved it.
As much as I hated to keep it a secret from my father, I had to. I could not allow my father's good reputation to be ruined by that promiscuous bitch.
Soon after that, I swirled into depression, constantly hating my mother, Richard and myself. "Why?" I said angrily. "Why am I born into this family?"
It happened on my father's birthday. I caught my mother placing her arms around Richard's waist as she called the bakery shop. "I would like to order a cake for my husband, please?" She said with a warm smile on her face. I was confused. Did she smile because she was happy in Richard's arms? Or did she smile because she was celebrating her husband's birthday?
I refused to be mischievous on that day. I acted as if nothing was wrong, and I acted as if I had no idea regarding my mother's adultery. I celebrated my old man's birthday with a big smile on my face. I had to let him see me happy for the last time...
I stood by the edge of my rooftop, ready to plunge forwards. Just then, the voice inside my head woke me up from my dilemma.
"Stop!" It shouted. "What do you think you're doing?"
"I had to..." I cried. "This is too torturing..."
"If you're so fed up with your life, escape!"
"Escape?"
"If you don't want to face your mother and that man, you study hard or do something that will allow you to get out of this place for good! Killing yourself won't do you no good! More importantly, if won't do me any good. You're just a coward!"
With tears rolling down my cheeks, I slowly sat down by the edge as the voice inside my head allowed me to cry my heart out. A few minutes later, I looked up at the sky and said to the voice inside my head, "Yeah, you're right. I will get out of this hellhole. I will leave that bitch once and for all."
And from then, I began to pursue music. I began to compose songs and write my own lyrics. I picked up the guitar and trained all day long. I managed to get myself into a music university which was located far away from home. I was glad, although not for long.
Soon after I had received my admittance letter, my father passed away after losing his long and suffocating battle with cancer. "Good then," I told myself. "Now I have no one to worry about when I leave this place once and for all."
--
That contestant began to raise his foot. I knew I had to do something. I ran towards him, and before he jumped, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards me. "What? Are you crazy? You were actually really going to jump?" I scolded. As I lectured him, he began to cry. Then, I knew I've done a good deed again. It felt great, actually.
"Ellen Lee?"
I stopped for a short while; my eyes never left the emotional contestant. I saw a girl climbing up from her seat, and standing in front of her, a man I couldn't seem to detest enough. There seemed to be a collision between them, because I could see the horror in her face when, suddenly, she began to jump up and down. I chuckled at that scene, but I realized that I still had a more important issue to deal with.
I picked up my pace and began dashing towards the exit. When I passed through the girl named Ellen, I could hear that silly idol saying, "What a crazy bitch. She didn't even have the nerves to apologize?" I rolled my eyes, refusing to get into an unnecessary argument. "You got lucky this time, bastard!" I thought to myself, picturing the way I beat that loser up. "Next time... I will get you next time."
I ran. I should not let anything else bother me anymore. Not this time. The voice in my head kept on urging me to hurry up. I had to obey. It's the only thing I could count on. I opened the door to the rooftop (it was the only route available from where that contestant headed to) a little too loud, but I didn't think he heard me. I gently closed the door behind me and leaned against the wall.
I stood there, waiting. Seeing him at that position right now reminded me of myself just years ago.
--
I was standing at the edge of a building as well, crying my heart out, wishing the pain would just end.
I had a perfect family. My father was a loving man and my mother was gentle. Everyone has always been envious of their relationship; how they have managed to go through eight thirteen years of their marriage without a single fight.
There was an uncle who visited our place regularly; about three to four times a week. I had never had a good feeling about this man, and turned out, I was correct.
My life shattered into pieces on that fateful day when I caught my mother kissing that uncle. He whose name is Richard.
They only stopped kissing after my mother saw me staring at them, jaw dropped. After that, my mother begged for my forgiveness and pleaded for me to not tell my father. That bastard Richard then handed me $1,000 as a method to keep me silent. I took the money in my hands and threw it at his face. "I ain't taking your stinking money!" I shouted at him. And to my mother, I screamed, "You whore! You have no rights to be my mother!"
I guess I was too infuriated to even manage to allow those words to come out from my mouth. But I had never regretted it. She totally deserved it.
As much as I hated to keep it a secret from my father, I had to. I could not allow my father's good reputation to be ruined by that promiscuous bitch.
Soon after that, I swirled into depression, constantly hating my mother, Richard and myself. "Why?" I said angrily. "Why am I born into this family?"
It happened on my father's birthday. I caught my mother placing her arms around Richard's waist as she called the bakery shop. "I would like to order a cake for my husband, please?" She said with a warm smile on her face. I was confused. Did she smile because she was happy in Richard's arms? Or did she smile because she was celebrating her husband's birthday?
I refused to be mischievous on that day. I acted as if nothing was wrong, and I acted as if I had no idea regarding my mother's adultery. I celebrated my old man's birthday with a big smile on my face. I had to let him see me happy for the last time...
I stood by the edge of my rooftop, ready to plunge forwards. Just then, the voice inside my head woke me up from my dilemma.
"Stop!" It shouted. "What do you think you're doing?"
"I had to..." I cried. "This is too torturing..."
"If you're so fed up with your life, escape!"
"Escape?"
"If you don't want to face your mother and that man, you study hard or do something that will allow you to get out of this place for good! Killing yourself won't do you no good! More importantly, if won't do me any good. You're just a coward!"
With tears rolling down my cheeks, I slowly sat down by the edge as the voice inside my head allowed me to cry my heart out. A few minutes later, I looked up at the sky and said to the voice inside my head, "Yeah, you're right. I will get out of this hellhole. I will leave that bitch once and for all."
And from then, I began to pursue music. I began to compose songs and write my own lyrics. I picked up the guitar and trained all day long. I managed to get myself into a music university which was located far away from home. I was glad, although not for long.
Soon after I had received my admittance letter, my father passed away after losing his long and suffocating battle with cancer. "Good then," I told myself. "Now I have no one to worry about when I leave this place once and for all."
--
That contestant began to raise his foot. I knew I had to do something. I ran towards him, and before he jumped, I grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards me. "What? Are you crazy? You were actually really going to jump?" I scolded. As I lectured him, he began to cry. Then, I knew I've done a good deed again. It felt great, actually.
