I started this topic because i want to speak for people who are finding themself in what i write here, I'm a little sad to see so much people suffering out of love, so i want to see what you think about when something becomes too much.
When much becomes too much
What is the limit to which we must fight for a relationship? And no, I don't mean here the romantic story "the two of us and the rest of the world," what i mean is the sad situation ... especially for you, when you GIVE, and he/she DOES NOT.
At first it's hard, and you feel that the ground is running under your feet; you dont have air any longer, you're in free fall and put your hands, maybe, maybe, you can manage to hook-up for something. A memory, an explanation, a word that may save a relationship that seemed perfect for you. When you see that nothing goes, you start to ask yourself "WHY?". You get the feeling (totally wrong) that if you turn the situation on all the faces, if you resume the relationship in mind from the beginning and up to the end, you will find out where you did wrong. And you're gonna fix the mistake, and change, and never do it again!!!
Why do I say that it's totally wrong? Because if your partner would have cared more about your relationship,the first step would not have been to end it. Perhaps it would have been put the possible problem in the discussion, you would have thought together, you may have been trying to save something. It's hard to digest the idea, but most of the time (always, by the way), in a relationship they don't love alike. The first gives himself completely and puts his soul in the hands of the other, and the other is unable to do the same. He may have suffered in the past and he it's more cautious now, or maybe doesn't have the same depth emotional or simply : “he/she’s not that into you”.
And in this case what do you do? Fight with the windmills? You start with cell phones in the middle of the night, with messages of "good morning" and "good night", tell them how much you love him/her and how they wont find anybody else who will love them like you do ? At first him/her will answer. Him/ Her are going to listen - but more you will talk and receive back only "Yes", "OK", "sorry", maybe even fabulous "it's not your fault, it's mine" or "you're too good for me" (honestly now, I would be offended on the intelligence if somebody would tell my that). When him/she see that you dont stop and start to get bored of you (even the most patient man has his limitations) its would no more answer you. After decades of missed calls in the morning, at noon and in the evening, you will receive ( if you're lucky) a message with "I'm sorry that you're suffering, is going to be alright". If you still don't temper yourself, you will not to get anything anymore.
More further, what do you do? You isolate yourelf from friends, family, get close in the house, cry alone, you are looking for him at work/school/home, you cry in front of him/her, you start crying home/work/on the street, then make your friends head calendar showing them your relationship again and again in search of the answer to the question "WHY?".
NO. You look in the mirror to see the wreck that you have become you gave yourself two slaps to wake up to reality. You get up from the level-1 you are in now and try to save you, not a relationship that no longer exists and maybe not even ever existed just only in your mind.
I will never understand the people who think that they have discovered the great love and they agree to degrade in front of the other until somewhere below the humanity.
I will never understand how you can fight alone for one's love? I understand to fight together for your love, the two of you against others.
But just to fight with him/herself to loving yourself ... how comes that?!
And one more thing I dont understand is how can a man who dosnt loves himself to have the claim to be loved by someone? If you don't love and appreciate yourself, why would you expect someone else to do it? Why someone else would do that? The only feeling you would wake up in someone- in the happiest case - is mercy. Aah ... and if you have the misfortune to love a tym, a narcissist or a conceited person then you will tickles a little his hubris.
* I dont want this to be a sad post, i dont speak on own experience and I dont judge anyone. Just that I see more and more often people around me who "suffer out of love ' as if that would be the new fashion. Just because a person can make you suffer through the mere presence/absence, that doesn't mean that it's your soul mate. If when that person address you a word makes you feel in the ninth heaven, and then you get the hour of death because that person dont speak with you and dosnt find you with the days, that dosnt mean that he/she is your chosen/elected. It means that it was a person that simply does not care about you.
I admire those who fight for what they want and Yes, most of the times it's okay not to accept a "no" from the first time and try to recover the relationship, to heal the wounds, to learn from mistakes. But when you see that you knock on a door which is no longer open for you ... it's time to go further. *